Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
