I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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