I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
