dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
