All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
