They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
