thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
