I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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