Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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