I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
