She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
