She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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