i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
