My nipple is on Facebook.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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