took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
