No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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