Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize