Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
