from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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