I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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