I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
