What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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