I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
