I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
