are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
