On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize