wanna go halves on a baby?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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