And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
COCAINE IS GR8
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize