My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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