when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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