So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
