we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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