I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
