Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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