This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
