Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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