If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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