So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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