remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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