Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
