my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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