I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
