I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
