I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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