i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize