im having a threesome with these popsicles
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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