it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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