apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
