It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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