so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
