I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
