Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
