You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
