What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
