If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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