I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
