just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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