Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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