The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he just fucked me for my cheese..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
