In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
