Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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