I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
