No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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