Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
