Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Randomize
