GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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