She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
