can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
