Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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