life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
