What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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