the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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