and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
