I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
